Memory Lane

So I decided to take a trip down memory.  Since I was already reading my old journal today I figured why not, go alittle further down the lane.  I found my old "Those Wonderful School Years"  Memory book.  I wish I took better care of it and didn't mess up the class pictures I had, but I was a stupid child back then. haha..But anyway..it's neat to look through it and see how old I was in what grade and how much I weighed and how tall I was.  Also my teacher's name, my new friends(up until 7th grade and then it turns into special friends and it goes through to my 12th grade(senior year).  Then has favorite activities, pets, awards, field trips, and more.  It also has from kindergarten-5th grade it has what I want to be when I grew up.  And looking at it, my answer was always the same.  I wanted to be a teacher.  Boy, did that change.  By 6th grade I had the same..teacher's name, new friends, favorite activities, pets, awards, field trips, promotion date and clubs.  Each year after that changed a little.  They added sports, summer job, extracurricular activities, more than one teacher space, but from 7th-9th it was really the same.  10th-12th were the same except maybe 11th and 12th it asked for prom date.  Which I never went to a prom.  I wasn't popular and so no one asked me.  And I was too shy to ask anyone.  Yeah, I could of went solo, but most of my friends had dates, so it would of been awkward to be the only one to stand alone. So yeah, I never went to prom.   It also asked after graduation I hope to:.  While in my sophomore year I had written get a job or go to college.  Junior and senior year I had not written anything.  It's funny, how my friends changed over the years and them some were friends since kindergarten and some we still talk to this day.  And as for some of the things I written as wanting to be a teacher..well I love working with kids, but not sure if I'd ever be a teacher.  Because of the fact, that I never went to college and not sure if it's really what I want to do anymore.  Things change and I changed.  In high school, my junior and senior year, I think it was my junior and senior year, I was in Child Care classes and once in a while we worked with the headstart kids.  Three and four years old.  It was nice to work with them and I really liked working with them.  So I thought, yeah this is what I want to do.  Work with kids in either a headstart or a daycare.  But again, it never happened.  And while we are going down memory lane, when I was first looking for a job, because by that time, I decided I wasn't going to college.  One, I really didn't know what I truly wanted to major in, and 2.  We don't have the money for college.  Yeah, we could of got loans, but I don't know.  So I went right to work.  Well, in the classified section, there was a job for a day care and I never applied to it.  Why?  you may ask.  Well I will tell you.  Again..I was a stupid child. I got it into my head, that..well I just graduated High School and they might not hire me.  They might not hire me since I just graduated high school and didn't have any work experience and didn't think they'd want to hire a kid who just came out of high school.  While, yeah I had 2 years experience with kids in the high school head start program, I was unsure.  So I never applied to the day care.  And to this day, which I shouldn't.  I often find myself thinking the famous question.  What if?  What if I would of applied there.  Would I of gotten the job and be working there? Would I be still there?  Would I be full time and get benefits?  Would I have gotten a car and my license by now?  Well as everyone says..you can't think What if.  You just got to let the past in the past and move on and live in the present.  To tell you the truth, maybe I felt unsure of the whole daycare job, because it wasn't in the will and plan that God has for my life.  I got to believe and trust that I am where I am today, because this is where God wants me to be and work.  So yeah...I just got to live for today. No more regrets.  Be happy where I am at.  Things actually seem pretty good where I am at today and life is pretty good.  I mean I do want to change myself alittle and move away from the past and live my life for today, not the past.  Move forward.  Also change my heart and attitude.  Try to be a better Christian and person.  :) But as I was typing this, it got into my head.  Maybe I shouldn't be going down memory lane.  But then maybe it is a good idea.  So I can see how I was back then and acted.  This way, like I said.  I can learn from my mistakes and move forward.  Change how I am and be a nicer person and like I said change my heart and attitude towards people and things.  I know I can't do this on my own, so God, please help me to change and become a better person.  Help me to please You and be the best person and Christian I can be.  Live my life for You.  Let You be in control and trust You, that I am here where I am today, because it's in Your will and plan for my life.  Help change me.  In Jesus's name~Amen!~

As much as I would like to keep going, I must quit and get ready for work.